At 9:47am today, I cooked chicken and bowtie Alfredo. Why? I don't know. I wanted it. And let's face it, life is kind of a hot mess right now, no matter what season or stage of life you're in, so why not let yourself have what makes you even the teensiest bit happier? ...yikes, well ain't that sounding like a slippery slope. 😳
But really, whatever, by 10:34am, I ate a massive bowl, and it was sooo gooooooood.
I shouldn't be blogging right now. Full disclosure, this is a procrastination tool because I have so many things to do and questions and uncertainties in my brain, and since I can't solve any one of them, what do I do? Ignore. Yep, this is not productive or even the slightest bit okay at all, but in my times of feeling overwhelmed, I nSoNgklsnrbkln (<--- got it? no? me neither).
I'm going back to work full time next month, even taking on more responsibilities, but my rising first-grader will be home for at least the first five weeks, and he needs homeschooling. How do I work and homeschool at the same time?? We can hire someone to help, but we shouldn't really be/can't pay for anything more right now, esp. with our three-year-old already in daycare. And what happens after those first five weeks? Do we send him back to the proposed anti-social environment for seven hours of mask-wearing each day? Little kids don't understand, and it almost seems barbaric for them. Yet, too many people are losing their lives to this virus, so I 100% understand why they need to make these decisions. But as a mom, my boy may not be losing his physical life, but he is losing his spirit and emotional well-being, and that is killing us in a whole other way.
And I don't meant this to complain. Really, I don't. We are healthy. We have each other. Running is my sanity. My family and friends are the best. ...but damn does it does feel good to vent. Like I've read before, and I know people don't like hearing it anymore, but...we are all enduring the same storm, just on different boats, and there really are no good solutions right now....
...Except for Alfredo at 9:47am. 😏
Okay, rant over
until perhaps 2:42pm today.
Let's talk about my fave... RUNNING! ...
So yeah, obviously I was in the shape of my life last fall, blah blah, tore my calf, blah blah, picked myself back up to train for an April 26th marathon, blah blah, then Covid canceled that mess, blah blah. The week before the world closed down in March, I ran the same tempo run route that I ran before Indy to assess what kind of shape I was in... turns out I was almost back to form with 8@ 6:06 pace in the middle of 16. I felt confident that with another 6-7 weeks to go before the marathon, I'd be where I wanted to be (in 2:45 shape). However, once everything started getting canceled, I mentally just said...ENOUGH. Training for a marathon, while I absolutely love it, is exhausting. It's an oxymoron almost...I'm f'ing tired, but I CRAVE it. So, since then, I've come down off my training high, decided to run for sanity and release, and I am 100% okay with this. I feel extremely fortunate that racing is not just what I crave; it's more the simple feel of the RUN itself. Pure, innocent, maybe even selfish, joy.
Currently, I'm running about 50-55 miles/avg. per week instead of the 70-75 I was doing in the spring. I started throwing in some fartleks a couple of weeks ago, not really for speed work per se, but to change up what my legs are doing so they don't get too complacent/lazy. This morning, I set out for eight recovery-paced miles. It was humid, I was hurting even at the easier pace, and so I said...why?? I cut it off at six. On Sunday, I set out for 15 miles, but after one step, I knew it wasn't going to be a good day. With three miles to go, I jumped in a lake, complete with my sneaks and sunglasses still on, cooled off, then slogged back with annoyingly-squeaky sneaks. I laughed at myself, and it was glorious! Point being, if there was ever a time to allow ourselves grace, rest, a chance to reenergize, reevaluate goals and purpose, why would it not be NOW? Find the joy in what fires you up but let go of the pressure that threatens to put out your flames. I'm actually encouraging the runners I coach to NOT achieve peak fitness right now; save it for when races are back in their regular capacity (<-- notice that I don't say "normal" ...WTF does that word even mean anyway?!!). We'll be physically fresher, goal hungry as hell, and we can actually put it to use again.