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Friday, October 18, 2013

Half-Marathon (Week 26)

No man's land.  That's what it feels like to be at the half-marathon mark.  You've already put so much behind you, yet there is still so much left to go.  Spectators that were once excited are now looking at you with concern as your face and body start looking distorted.  Your biggest concerns are if all these new ailments (stomach cramps, calf cramps, swollen feet; etc.) are normal, not crapping yourself, and what your first meal is going to be once you cross the finish line.  After all, you've been pretty damn disciplined for months now...  

So, Spud is still looking chunky.  He was measuring about two or three weeks ahead of schedule at our last doctor visit.  Some may say we simply have a big baby; personally, I think he is just extremely advanced for his age.  Yep, large abdomen (good, strong core for running), large brain (obviously a freaking genius), and a large, um, well, you know.  What can I say, that's my boy!*  Plus, he is obviously a trend setter.  I mean, psssh, measuring on schedule would be, like, sooooo boring.  In any event, we have another doctor visit this week, so we are excited to see his progress, and to just, well, see him!
*  must remember to never let him read this post...  

Here are my current pregnancy stats:

Pregnancy Gains:
* 18 pounds.  Holy shitters.  Let's see, some things that weigh 18 pounds:  an oversized pumpkin, the free weights I use used to use at the gym, and Zoe (my dog).

So, basically, this is attached to my belly (and perhaps a little to my a$$) right now.  Notice she isn't too thrilled.

*  "How do you feel?"  Now, I know this sounds unappreciative of me because people truly care (which really, I am VERY thankful for).  However, imagine yourself being asked this, no joke, 87 times a day.  You cannot answer honestly because you will sound like an angry, irrational freak, but trust me, I soooo want to sometimes.  So, whereas I respond politely with, "I feel great!", here is what I am thinking: "I'm a bloated whale who isn't sure how hairy my legs are anymore because I cannot reach them (sorry, Mike).  I want to take the knife out of my heartburned chest and stab you with it for asking me this question.  Or, maybe I'll just fart blast you out of the room because I picked up that skill a few weeks ago.  Oh, and I cannot run very far, which means I am a BITCH.  So, how do you feel?" 

*  Pumpkin.  Pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.  Pumpkin scones.  Pumpkin pasta sauce.  Pumpkin pancakes.  Pumpkin Pop Tarts.  Pumpkin pound cake.  Have pumpkin, (I) will eat it.  Lucky for Mike, I am practicing this pregnant and barefoot thing in the kitchen very well.  Now I can understand how men gain sympathy weight during pregnancy...

Pregnancy Losses:
*  My brain.  Yep, it is still missing and endangered, so I am thinking of issuing an Amber Alert because sh*t is getting real now.  Ever the math nerd, I used to be able to answer equations in my head like Rain Man (um, that might be a little exaggerated), but now I cannot even add 2+2.  No, seriously, I answered 2+2 on paper last week with a 6.  Like I said, sh*t just got real.

Pregnancy Running:
Yay!  I have been able to waddle run again!  Slow and steady, but hey, slow and steady wins the race, right?  Actually, no, fast and steady wins the race.  Hmm.  Okay, but regardless, being able to run again has been FABULOUS.  I keep it between 3 and 6 miles a few times a week, about a minute to a minute and a half slower than my normal pace, and am sure to stop and rest if my body tells me.  Like all marathons, you just don't know how you are going to feel on any given day, so you just have to stay patient (which I suck at), and waddle on!

Pregnancy Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy:
I feel selfish sometimes because I know pregnancy is this AMAZING part of life that women get to experience, so why do I dwell on the negatives of how I feel and what I cannot do?  Well, simply put, because it is hard.  We have to make so many changes to our lifestyle and our bodies in such a quick progression, and we temporarily lose our sense of self and HOPE that we are able to get it back.  After all, I cannot control the way I feel, so I shouldn't have guilt for it, right?  Yet, I do.  At the end of this marathon, I know my finisher medal is going to be the best, brightest, and, uh, biggest one yet.  After all, the journey of every marathon is a challenge, but the glory at the end can never be beat.

But, really, don't ask me how I feel unless you want a pumpkin smashed in your face, mm k?  k, thanks.

26 weeks!