Acceptance

Nitroglycerin, dry needles, ART, lasers, Addaday, compression, CBD oil*, Bengay** ... all the things.   GAHH!  All the damn things!

* I cannot believe I went there...

 ** I didn't even know they still made this shit until I found a tube (umm, from 2012) buried in the back of our guest bathroom drawer.  ...and to which I then said, "why not?", lathered it on, aaaaand yeah no...  it didn't work.

Well, I tried.  I've been running easy for two weeks per doc's orders, doing all the above, all the while in denial.  My calf will feel decent the day after treatment, but then it basically goes back to square one.  Then some days would feel better than others, which would give me hope, but then would be followed by a day of utter limp-a-gimp, which would lead to this:

         I bet you can't eat as much peanut butter oreo pie as me in one sitting...

One day last week after a particularly painful run, I decided to throw in the towel, only to wake up the next day mad at myself for giving up, and I therefore went out for an 8-mile run.  I impulsively and officially committed to the Houston Marathon on January 19th (one day before the Olympic Trials qualification period closes), making it real.  I was still going to do this!!  I then ran eight miles two more days in a row, fooling myself.  

A few days later, after a lot of wine and tears (it's funny how calf tears... "tay-yuhrs" and crying tears..."tee-yuhrs" are spelled the same...or maybe it's not funny, and now that I'm not running, I have too much time to think of this kind of stupid shit), I'm finally at a place of acceptance, and I think writing it down helps in that...  

Every day that I do not rest right now is a day longer in my healing process.  Ultimately, I love to run, and I want to run for the rest of my life.  Running in pain, however, is not what I want to associate with my love for running.  I do want to prove to myself that I could have done it though.  I don't know why, but it just drives me.  Qualifying to run in the 2020 Olympic Trials on February 29th will not be in my cards, but when I'm 100% healthy and am able to train and love it again, I'm going to go for the qualifying time on my own timeline.        

I wish everyone a happy and healthy holiday season.

Happy pie eating running!

So much to be thankful for ...

Thankful to celebrate Mike's big 4-0 in the mountains

Thankful for a job I love ...my Streakers finished this season with lots of PRs at the 

Greensboro Half Marathon.

Thankful for my eldest... Logan lost his first tooth!  He turns six this month.

Thankful for my first and forever friend from Greensboro, Emily.  She was back visiting after moving to Texas this summer.  Logan was very happy to see Wit.

 Thankful that my family came to celebrate Thanksgiving 

(and got home safely in a CT snowstorm)

Thankful for Thanksgiving with family and friends

 Thankful for friends that remind me it's okay to grieve something you've worked hard for, despite the fact that there are people going through much bigger hardships

Thankful for my baby... Cooper turned three!

Thankful for friends with whom I can share the triumphs and heartbreaks

Thankful to be healthy enough to try new things, even if they bore me to tee-yuhrs.  :)