Making the Case for 2024

This past week, my social media has blown up with memories from two years ago.  More specifically, pictures and snippets of my training for, and on race day at, the 2019 Indy Monumental Marathon, where I was targeting a 2:45 Olympic Trials Marathon qualifying time.  Depending on my current mood, seeing each one yields a different emotion, the biggest one feeling like, well, a dagger in my side.  Ouch. 

I get excited and full of pride.  Like, "I was targeting something epic."  I get mad.  Like, "I wasted so much time of my own, and that of my family, for what?  Nothing to show."  I get mad at my current self.  Like, "I was so driven then.  Put down the Doritos, and get back at it, will ya?"  I want to avoid it.  But I also want to relive it.  I can't explain it.

Since that day and dropping out at mile five with what an MRI would later reveal to be a calf tear, I've struggled to find a goal as, for lack of a better word, "worthy".  It sounds dumb, but attaining that 2:45 Olympic Trials time essentially would have been my Olympics.  I had no delusions of grandeur of actually then making the Olympic team.  A Trials qualifier felt like the pinnacle for me, as if I would have capped my running career with the ultimate accomplishment.

In some ways, I now feel like a ticking clock.  I'm 41 years old, and while I'll always be the first coach to say that age is just a number (side note, a 41-year old not only won, but PR'd by nearly two minutes at Indy this year!), it's more where I'm at in my life with a business and young kids and no patience that oftentimes leaves me feeling depleted.  I find myself saying, "Well, what's the difference if I've run a 2:51 or if I run a 2:45 now?"  The 2:45, other than lowering my PR, doesn't equate to a Trials qualifier anymore, so does it matter??

This is where I want to make the case for the 2024 Olympic Trials standards...

USATF has yet to announce the new standards, but rumors are swirling that the men's time will become 2:17 or 2:18 and the women's <2:40.  ...to which, I feel defeated.  Look, I'm a realist; 2:40 ain't in my cards.  In 2019, I knew in my heart I could have run that 2:45, but I was stretched THIN (figuratively and literally 😛).  Even if my calf had cooperated, it would have been close, and honestly, I don't think I could have trained any harder or better.  This was a big part of the excitement actually...it was a goal that was in my realm of possibility, but it certainly by no means was a given.

In any event, I digress.  I want something to chase again, but I feel like I don't have anything.  And my guess is that a lot of the women (and men!) who had my same OTQ goal are feeling the same way right now.  If the standard goes below 2:40, this cuts out about 80% of the field from 2020.  There were also a lot of women between 2:45 and 2:50 that just missed the standard too.  Why not keep boosting our sport and give them a reason to want to keep dreaming and chasing?  Because I know for me, if the standard goes below 2:40, I'm more likely to target Doritos for a modeling gig than to target that.  If it were to stay closer to 2:45, mayyybe even 2:43-2:44, I would 100% go for it again.  

I'm sure money is a big reason, but for all the money spent on athletes in the Trials race, I would also think the economic boost for the host city has to be pretty stellar.  I also understand that qualifying for such an event is, in a way, "exclusive" ... like, it's meant to be a smaller group, the cream of the crop per se... so perhaps the fields shouldn't be that big.  But I don't know...as we work harder and accomplish such feats, it almost feels oddly like a punishment or something to have such a drastic drop after the fact.  In a way, it makes me a little sad for the sport, and I'd actually be curious to chat with other women or men in my position to see how they're redefining their goals now, or if they even are at all. 

Ultimately, at the end of the day, and like I've said a bazillion times, I'll always run, as it's simply what I love to do.  ...but to chase and daydream about something so amazing just puts it on a whole other level, and I'm really missing that right now.

Happy chasing!

Me (and that's ok)

 I feel like I have so much to say and nothing to say all at the same time.  <--- I wasn't really sure how to start this blog since it's been so long since writing, so there we go, I just wrote out what my brain was thinking.

Ahh yes, here we are, still in the land of a pandemic.  Remember when we thought it would be over in two weeks when it started in 2020?  HA!  That's funny.  Not really.  My two boys and I got sick this week, and what was the first thing we did?  Freaked out we had Covid.  Got tested.  Negative.  Remember when colds and shit were normal for this time of year?  Oh wait, they still are.  But we're programmed to freak out now that it could mean something else, creating hysteria.

Okay, enough of that talk.  I will say that I am SO, SO, SO grateful about a month ago that I decided NOT to run the Chicago Marathon this weekend.  Why?  Well, for one, I can't breathe super awesomely right now, and two, it's going to be hotter than sriracha out there.  After Boston, Kiawah, and Myrtle, I promised myself that I would never run another hot marathon.  I've run enough races in my life now; I'm not interested in just completing them anymore.  If I can't compete or try and better my time, meh, no need.  Too much other crapola going on to deal with that mess (look at me all spoken like a true old wise person and stuff!).  Okay, but really, best of luck to everyone in Chicago.  Like seriously, start off slow cuz that second half will suck if you don't.

I'm still in my "FUN" running mode.  Full disclosure, I go through highs and lows of wanting to compete.  I get PUMPED, sign up for a race, and then the next week think, "well what the hell did you go and do that for?!"  I know I can hold my own at any point, but I'm definitely not in any kind of tip top race shape.  I did sign up for the sub-elite race of the USA Half Marathon Championships in December (any male having run under 1:25 and any female having run under 1:35 can compete) and am having thoughts of a spring marathon, but I'm still allowing myself grace and living in the moment of where my heart takes me.  For example, as I write this post, my heart took me into a bag of cheese Doritos...  

Ran another relay with my winosaurs team; had another blast!

My heart also took me to starting my own business in July!  It's official and going so much better than I could have ever imagined for the first few months.  In Pursuit Running (I PR) offers one-on-one and small group worldwide coaching, as well as a free community group run on Thursdays for those in the Triad, NC area.  I've already learned so much through the process, appreciate the amazing "village" of family, friends, and professionals that have helped me make this happen, and am just so damn proud to have created something that helps fuel other individuals' fires and desires.  Because in today's world, especially in this pandemic land, it's crucial to take care of ourselves first (think of being on an airplane...you must put on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else.  If you don't, you eventually won't be able to help another single person, period.  Roger.  <--- not that I know someone named Roger that needs help, but meaning like, Roger, 10-4, got it.  Oh dear lawd help me).

Furthermore on this point, I read a quote yesterday from one of my favorite professional all-time runners, Lauren Fleshman of Oiselle, that really resonated with me.  For the past eight years, she has coached Oiselle's "Littlewing" team, which is a small group of female professional runners in Oregon.  She decided to leave her coaching role to focus on other professional and personal desires and priorities and said, "Sometimes, doing what we need to do for our health and wellbeing will disrupt stability for others.  It just does.  I hate that part so much."  Gahhh, so true.  It took me so long to go out on my own because I feared how it would affect the runners I had currently been working with.  However, I wasn't taking care of myself and my own needs and that of my family, who are ultimately who matter most.  I'm trying to stay true to my vision for my business with this same mantra too.  It's hard when you can't make everyone happy, but we need to accept this reality in order to protect ourselves and those closest to our hearts.  By doing so, I'm so excited for what I PR is already becoming!

I PR and the Jesse Wharton Elementary Run Club

An I PR Thursday Run

On another completely random topic that I can talk about because it's my blog and I can do whatever the heck I want here.........do any other moms (or dads) feel pressure to put their kids in 6,457 activities every week!?  I legit had a mom ask me the other day what sport my boys were doing after school on Mondays.  Not like in general, but in particular on Mondays because she didn't have anything scheduled yet for that day and needed to find something.  I was like, ummm, they're eating dinner??  We have swim and robotics and gymnastics and run club and soon-to-be mountain biking between both boys on Tuesdays through Saturdays.  I already feel like I'm going to lose my marbles sometimes because we're overdoing it?  I felt a teeny bit of shame for having a day where my kids weren't in an activity.  Is this a thing??  Again, I had to go back to my mantra above of doing what's best for my wellbeing and making sure my kids are actually happy in what they're doing, but yikers.  When I was a kid, I did one activity at a time; I tried a lot of different things, but the solo focus enabled me to determine if I truly had a passion for it (enter running!).  K, rant over, thanks bye.

On that note, I'm heading out for a short run. 
Happy Fall, and Happy Running, y'all!

Fun.

Fun.  That's how I like my running these days.  Like that singing group..."Fun."  and their song "We are Young."  Except I'm not young.   I'm definitely old.

 The pandemic deleted my birthday last year, so hubby threw me a proper 40th this year!

Ahh, but I digress. So far this year, I have not run one single race, aside from a trail relay, but I can also honestly say that I've been having more fun running than I can ever remember.  I'm running with an inappropriately fun (like, no convo is off the table with these peeps) group again on Thursdays, I take extra days off if my body or mind asks for it, and I'm more than willing to change up a run mid-run if I decide, yep, this just ain't happening today.  No pressure.  All smiles.  Well, mostly.  No one smiles all the time.  And if they do, well that's just weird, and I probably wouldn't trust them.  

Logan, my seven year old, actually brought me to an epiphany a few weeks ago.  He started playing on a flag football team, and after a successful first game, he ran off the field before halftime in his second game and refused to play.  The competitive ass in me could feel the heat building in my gut and cheeks that my son didn't seem to have that fire, but when I asked him why, the first thing he stated was, "Mommy, I'm no good at it."  *Cue choked up tears and feeling like a mommy turd*.  We've had a lot of talks since then, the most constant one being that if you choose to sit out for fear of failure, then you also don't allow yourself the opportunity to succeed and have fun.  It made me think back to many races that I decided not to run for these exact insecurities, although upon making those decisions, I of course didn't admit these reasons to myself at the time.  Logan has now played in the team's two games since that day, and I promised him too that I'd be more aware of why or why not I run races.  Because honestly, if you run a PR or you win a race....or you don't...umm yeah... SO. WHAT. 

One goal I have avoided for years is the half marathon.  I ran a 1:22 in 2015 and have not run once since, and the sad reality is that I've gotten into much better shape in these past six years, so what the hell is wrong with me?  The possibility of NOT running it faster or the risk of getting injured doing one en route to one of my marathons kind of freaked me out.  Isn't that ironic though?  I weenied out of racing a half before my OTQ marathon attempt in 2019, and oh wait, I got injured anyway.  See, I should have taken my own advice to Logan and immersed myself into more races because by not doing so, I deprived myself the opportunity to bust out a fast time and have fun in the process all the while.  Dumbass. 

I actually signed up for a 5K in a few weeks!  Again, after my chats with Logan, that was part of our deal...I'd sign up for a race.  Am I in my best shape?   Sure not!  But ya know what, sometimes when you don't care as much, you surprise yourself, so who knows? 

Mike and I took the boys on a surprise beach weekend a couple of weekends ago, and I decided to throw down a few mile repeats while there on some flat roads.  I surprised myself with 5:54, 5:50, and 5:46. However, I woke up the next morning with a grossly swollen foot.  What?  Previously, I would have freaked out, but I kind of just laughed at myself and was like, yeppppppp, this is 40!  Okay, yeah shut up, you're right, I'm actually 41.  But yeah, I can still run on the foot, but it kinda maybe looks like I stuffed marshmallows under my skin.  Whatever. 

Looking ahead, the Chicago Marathon is on the docket, but I'm calling some possible stink on this race.  Can someone address the fact that they accepted and charged every single person through their lottery on top of all those that deferred from last year (I've read that in a normal year, not even half of the applicants get in)?  While many races are still canceling/postponing/limiting field size, you're telling me that Chicago, a 40,000+ runner world major marathon, is business as usual?  I dunno.  But ahh well.  If I'm being honest, I'm enjoying my 50 miles a week and long runs of no more than 12 miles right now anyway.  

Welp, so what else is going on...

Got me my vaxxxx! ...

...and then looked like this five days after my second dose.  Yep, I was one of those lucky delayed-reaction-face-swells peeps!  And yes, I did just post this picture.  

Just some Salem Lake love.

Cooper just letting everyone know how Mom feels about stuff a lot of the time.

Me, Meg, and Adriana letting everyone know how Mom feels about stuff a lot of the time.

We lost Zoe to bone cancer and gained Piper into our family this year.  I still assert that dogs are the best thing in the entire world.

Just continuing to live the #boymom dream...

Cooper has a girlfriend!

I'm back to in-person group coaching.  Yay, Streakers!

I just like McDonald's fries...

...and cute pictures of my boys with their friends.

Alrighty, off for a 10-miler.  Although it could end up being 8.  Or 6.  Or 11!

Happy FUN. Running!