I'm Learning to Fly, But I Ain't Got Wings...

Less than six weeks 'til Boston.

And I will say, I've been working my ass off.

It's not that I didn't work hard before, but this is just...different.

More specific.

More logical.

I don't know why I'm breaking my sentences up into paragraphs, so I'm gonna stop doing that now.  K, thanks.

Less "hmm, how many miles do I feel like doing today", and more "if you want to run a fast marathon, this is what you need to do today."  I am actually afraid to NOT do it.  I am also afraid OF doing it.  If you had a track workout totaling 14 miles, you'd be scared too, so don't judge.  What I've discovered is that the effort required in running hard on my hard days is almost equal to the effort of running slow on my recovery days.  You need both.  I understand that better now.

I learned the importance of recovery (it's easy to mentally absorb it, but physically understanding it is a whole other concept) in a workout last week.  I failed.  Bonked.  My legs were like, "HELLLLZ NO, WE ARE ON VACATION, SUCKAAAA!"  They actually yelled that to me, really, I swear.  Or maybe I was just tired and hallucinating.  I dunno.  In any event, this was the first workout in the last five weeks that went horribly.  I had a little temper tantrum on the track, threw my sunglasses down in lane one, and then felt silly when I realized that all I could do was, um, pick them up.  All the while, little elementary school kids were walking and jogging laps on the same track during their gym class.  Their lesson that day?  Don't grow up to be like "that" crazy chick on the track.

After emailing a few whine-full (did someone say wine?) words to my coach afterwards, we focused on good recovery for the next couple of days, and WHAM!...

I had a break-through run.  Twenty mile workout, awesome splits, confidence restored.  I viewed this prescribed workout as the hardest one yet, something I would not be able to accomplish, but I did...and then some.  And maybe even some more. :)

Post 20-miler trophy! 
*Unleash disgusting faces and sounds now*

It is so hard when you are in the moment, but remembering to keep everything in perspective and having fun all the while is so important.  During the first conversation I had with my coach, he said to me, "It's supposed to be fun.  You're not Kara Goucher."  To which my response was, "Hey!  You don't know that!"  Okay, okay, but really, he is right.  Damn it.  In any event, that helps reel me back to reality sometimes.  I do this for ME.  If I feel pressure, it is ONLY because I do it to myself.  I oftentimes let other people that get competitive with me get under my skin, but then I remember, this is about ME and MY personal goals.  They don't matter.  If their goals include beating me, well then, so be it.  ...but that's a whole other blog post!

But really, I kinda look like Kara Goucher though...a little...dontcha think?!?

No?  Whatever.  I didn't ask you.

Okay, I guess I kind of did ask you.

Jenny Barringer Simpson maybe?!

In any event, despite the angst of being challenged more in my new training, I know it makes sense.  I will *try* and accept the bad days for what they are...bad days (no, not the end of my running career) and relish in the good days.  Previously, they were all good days because, well, I wasn't challenging myself beyond my comfortable limits.

I had an epiphany today while driving to my physical therapist.  I was behind a car with one of those "initial" bumper stickers.  It read "GB".  Although "giant booger" was the first thing that came to mind, the first place I could think this meant was Great Britain.  Or, perhaps, Grassy Bald, which was a mountain I hiked last year, or Green Bay, or, you get the drift.  Point being, they make no sense.  They are fun to guess at for a while, but unless you are riding the car's ass and risking an accident to read the fine print (which doesn't always even exist!), you will never know the intended meaning.  Point being, my previous training was fun to guess at for a while, but in the end, it wasn't making enough sense.  There really was nothing else I could do to get the end results I desire, so I needed to back off, move on, and change my focus.

Okay, but seriously people, if you want to advertise a place you love going to so much, why would you make it so cruel and hard to figure out?!  Arggh!  Giant booger, hehe.  You like giant boogers.

So, all in all, I feel like I am in a great spot.  Despite going to Crazytown every now and then, and being really, really hungry all the time (Mike and I woke up STARVING at 2am the other night and had a cheese-peanut butter cup-ice cream-nutella-pretzel-and other assorted chocolate food binge on our kitchen island...which was AWESOME by the way!), I am learning my pace better, improving said pace, and getting stronger.  Whatever happens in Boston, I am learning a lot about myself and even surprising, um, myself (hello, Austin Powers!) with what I am capable of.

I'm learning to fly...and I don't need wings. :)

Happy running and training to all headed to Boston in six weeks!  If you have off days or weeks in your training, keep that perspective and remember this factoid:  In 1972, the first year in which women were officially allowed to run, the overall women's champion ran a 3:10:26.  Today, the open standard for simply qualifying to run is 3:35:00.  That's right; this means you are already pretty damn awesome. :)